absurd

"one begins living honestly, when one begins living without hope."

i haven't illustrated a single thing in a while. i haven't even sketched or doodled.  it's been a while since i've been inspired to actually create something.  i guess it came to me today when i was walking around some random trails today at a local park.  the woods were completely desolate of other people, and i had some time to just relax and enjoy the sun.  it was nice.  this painting is up for interpretation, i just felt i had to get this idea out once i thought of it today at the park.

on another note:

i really enjoyed reading 'the stranger' by albert camus.  a very powerful novel that gave me some challenging thoughts.  i really took camus' message to heart.  it was like a little treasure or maybe an epiphany.  i just loved how layered the novel was, especially this theme that life is meaningless and truly absurd--that people that are afraid (the chaplain at the end) try to find hope, or try to rationalize (the trial) things that don't make sense (meursault's emotionally-devoid actions).  the beautiful ending of meursault coming to the realization of his own personal humanity.  the fact that he finally felt like he was alive, when he was so close to death.  meursault's sureness.  his acceptance of his fate.

i feel like this message was really powerful, and really human.  thinking about it now, generally we are all afraid of our pasts and futures.  we get caught up worrying and fighting the tide.  we fight this absurd life.  we fear things society has taught us, not allowing us to live a virtuous and redeeming life.  we are born into a world where you are told what is normal and what is fine.  when you finally have the balls to think for yourself, to choose for yourself, people start freaking the fuck out like your some kind of rebellious juvenile.

is it so wrong to accept that life is irrational?  is it so wrong to be sure of your own life? is it so wrong to not rely on irrational hope?  is it so wrong to exist and be realistic?  is it so wrong to choose and live in the now?